On Saturday, the fifth of August, at well after the stated time of 2:00 P.M., Ann Jones and Bob Smith were married at Our Lady of Sorry Acoustics. The groom wore a black suit and the bride wore a dress. The organist's shoes, in tasteful basic black, were by Organmaster.

The organ is a rebuild by Harvey Piston Schotz VI of a 2m Whisk which contains pipework from the original Ox tracker that existed before the tragic fire. The harmonic flute is to die for and the cor anglais is like buttah, but the combination action is unreliable.

There were attendants all over the place, but the organist still got only 3/4 of the way through "The Prince of Denmark's March" with no repeats, ending in the dominant. That the 8' Tuba was the central feature of the processional was obvious; this could be seen on the smiling faces of everyone in attendance.

After a few minutes of some speaking by some clergy-type, the organist played the first four phrases of the Schubert "Ave Maria" (in E-flat) on the Gemshorn 8' while the couple did something. Later, the bride's sister's best friend's adopted niece breathily sang "The Wedding Song" from the balcony, without interludes. (The organist left them in.) This didn't matter because she used the microphone, obliterating the subtle chiff of the Gedeckt 8'.

The recessional was the Mendelssohn, played on a satisfying plenum. It was played in ABABA form to fit the length of the movement.

The guests talked throughout the postlude, but the organist added stops as the noise level increased, masterfully maneuvering each drawknob, coupler, and reversible WITHOUT MISSING A SINGLE NOTE OF THE WIDOR!!! This noble feat did not go unnoticed by the congregation, as attested to by the audible sighs of relief which were heard as soon as the music stopped.

The bride and groom went to college somewhere, but they did not take any music appreciation courses. After their honeymoon somewhere, they plan to blend into suburbia, where the highlight of each year will undoubtedly be the replaying of their wedding video and reliving each musical moment.

 

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